New beginnings suck.
Not because of what they inherently are or because of what they represent, but because the very fact that there is a new beginning demands that something has ended or died. Often, this thing that has died is a part of you, and the feeling of a stab-wound to the soul is more than real – it can control you.
Surely this is why starting something is the hardest part of any endeavor. If you don’t jump in, you won’t have to be rescued when the fire burns out. It hurts too much to say good-bye, so many avoid eye-contact from the start, and never face the possibility of getting “involved”.
Why then, if the consequences are so fatal, is the prospect of a fresh start so invigorating? Why do the heroes in movies and books begin with a blank slate and “nothing to lose”, eventually leading them to the moment that will change them for the better and make the story worth sharing?
Perhaps the question I should be asking is rather: “Why, if a fresh start is such a gift, does it rip my heart out so violently?” Why does it always begin with tears which lead to tears, and heart-ache which leads to stagnation?
By this point in this post, you – the reader – are likely wondering what this “new beginning” is referring to. My story is one that is continuing while I type, and even the part which is in the past remains something plastic and unstable, as my memory can make of it whatever it wants. Still, there exists a story, and from it many lessons and take-aways for both the listener and the teller. This tale, however long, will be woven throughout the rest of my life, and is not likely to ever stop changing me.
According to The Sound of Music, the beginning is the very best place to start. The beginning, however, is a very long way away, so I shall instead begin with the present. I am Sydni Hadden, and I live in Dearborn Michigan. I recently lost a most dear part of my life, and I often feel like my world is falling – or has fallen – apart. Not long ago, I went through a time of questioning in my faith, but more recently I re-commited my life to Christ Jesus. I have Decided to follow Jesus, no turning back. I wear many hats, and the frail walls of my heart hold many things. I do not take much of anything lightly, which is why even a small loss is like an ocean draining in a moment’s time. I garden like it’s my job, and I have every intention of making that a reality. I find my identity in earthly, changeable things quite easily, so I frequently have to remind myself of why I was made and who I am .
I am Sydni,
Beloved child of God.
It’s a pleasure to meet you, and I hope you will stick around to hear my story. It may come in pieces, but it will present itself. For now, welcome to my life – it’s a good one.